I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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