I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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