I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
