I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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