I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
