..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
