Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
