Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The uberlube is also flammable
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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