I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
