I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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