Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
