So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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