my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
