Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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