the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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