I accidentally burped into my bong.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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