saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
