he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
