Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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