Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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