Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
