dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
