im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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