i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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