We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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