I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
