dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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