I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
