I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
