I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
