i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
