I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
