Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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