the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
