He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
