Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
