I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
