my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My penis needs a shock collar
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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