We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
