Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
