yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
