I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
