butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
