singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
