I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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