Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
