I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
