can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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