i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you never un-have a 4some
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
