I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
