Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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