Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
