it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
