Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
