Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
