come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
