1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He did a backflip because drugs
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