Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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