I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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